Today

I got another one of those emails today. A baby announcement. Is there anything better than a baby? No, there isn’t. Well, yes, there is something better than A Baby. My baby.

You can see where this is going…

But this particular baby, the baby of the Announcement. Well, she’s lovely. Round and pink and Lucy. Probably my most favorite girl name ever. I don’t know any other Lucys. That’s probably not such a good thing, because that name for me has come to mean my Lucy – a daughter I may never have.

I cried. Crying made me wretched. Because it doesn’t make sense to cry over a real, breathing, petal-soft Lucy for the sake of an imagined Lucy, now does it? But I cried. Ruined my painstakingly applied liquid eye-liner, too (it was retro, not trashy, ok?). Then I cleaned myself up and told myself to get a freaking grip. Then I went about my business and THEN I got a million and one congratulatory Reply-alls and cried all over again. Then I made some Valentine hearts, damn it, and then somewhere in there I think I cried again.

This is a boring story. In sum, this is an Infertile Day. The kind of day that makes you so nuts that you start a blog, I guess. No, I’ve been meaning to do that for a while, actually. So hi. I’m Rose. This isn’t normally how I introduce myself. If I saw you in person I’d smile a lot, and hope I’m making you feel comfortable, and wonder to myself if you like my haircut. I would ask you about yourself and try to look you in the eye a lot, and be very conscious of how ugly my shoes are. I would probably like you. So, nice to meet you, kind of.

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