Quick Takes – Summer Style

That’s not gangrene. Snert just circled all of his cuts with black pen. Duh.

1. Am in the throes of the yearly Swimming Suit Quest of Horrors. Have discovered that this is the year that every single store on earth chose to no longer sell women’s board shorts… unless they are men’s board shorts (a nice sales girl showed me their board shorts the other day and I said “Yes, but where are the women’s?” She said “These are.” Huh.), or those teeny tiny scraps of nylon that somehow manage to cover less than underpants.

2. Wow, I got back to underpants quickly! Promise am not underpants fixated, but while we’re talking about it, I might as well tell you about the awesome term my sister coined for those jean cutoffs all the teen girls have been sporting. You know the ones. She calls them Junderpants. You’re welcome.

Anyway, in swimming suit cover-up news, have settled on white (why?) board skirt with a strangely bunchy backside. Vogue, I am waiting to be Discovered.

3. Am not some kind of bathing suit prude. Applaud all of you who don’t need to wear the Mom Skirt/Short getup. You are brave and I want to be you. Just not that badly.

4. Came home the other night from a spiritually formative evening feeling refreshed and saintly. Saw that the kid was still up and decided to be pissy and terse instead. This is very bad because when I make my pissy face my chin recedes in to my neck. Am pretty sure this distracts Cisco from seeing how hard my life really is. Must either grow chin, or give up pissy forever.

5. Am listening to Snert and his cousins “play” memory. They all cheat, they all hate cheating, it’s everyone’s fault, it’s no one’s fault, and sometimes people get punched. (Not by me.) Can’t make up my mind if I should intervene more, or just let them go all Lord of the Flies on each other until they get their sh*% figured out. Am thinking Cisco would go for the latter, and since he’s the boss of me and I’m not done writing, I’ll go with that.

6. What is everyone’s opinion on camping? My opinion is that other people should do it. Or that if you really want the experience it’d be easier to just roll in the dirt, step in a wasps’ nest, eat Kingsford for dinner, and throw some rocks in your bed. If you have any filthy children, preferably some who have soaked in a Sand-Popsicle-Dirt-Swampwater-Ketchup marinade, throw them in your bed, too. Then set your alarm for 5am and get up and do it all over again. With a smile! Always with a smile!

7. I only ask because I love it so so much, and I want to know if anyone else loves it as much as me. If you don’t, just make sure you bring along some Starbucks Via. That’s their instant coffee, and it’s better than homemade real coffee. Trust me, I don’t even care about Starbucks most of the time. If you don’t drink coffee, well just stay home. There’s no hope for you. Except a Margarita IV.

For more, go to Conversion Diary! Oh, who am I kidding? If you’re here at all, you just came from there.

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One thought on “Quick Takes – Summer Style

  1. I love camping! I’ve never camped! I have live, loved, and laffed all of your posts and now I demand that you write more. And that ALL of them contain a reference to underpants. Seriously, great, big, quiet (b/c everyone’s asleep) hoots happening over here.

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