How To Charm The Socks Off Your Man

I thought I’d share some of Cisco’s favorite things. Things he loves about me, special me-isms that make him happy, me me me I I I. Implement some of these helpful tips today to woo the crud out of your man.

1. Almost never stand up straight. This has more impact than you might think. Cisco used to call me “S” because that’s the shape my body makes at rest. Can’t picture it? I’ll paint you a picture: Head jutted forward and down, shoulders slumped, chest caved in, gut thrust out (I really go for it), butt tucked and knees locked. You can’t imagine how flattering this posture is. It’s so overpoweringly attractive that Cisco has been trying to break me of it for almost eight years.

2. Never not crack your knuckles. He loves it. Especially when he’s just dropping off to sleep.

3. Go buy a new pack of bobby pins, and leave them all over your house. Especially on his desk, nightstand, and everywhere he might possibly want to set a drink down ever. I’ve been using this one for years, and it lit-rally makes Cisco’s eyes bug out of his head. I’m training Snert to do it, too, so if I die in a freak accident tomorrow they won’t have to miss me too much. Earrings and bracelets work well for this, too.

4. Tell him about your feelings more. He wants to know every minute detail of your emotional make-up, and he’s tired of having to work so hard to draw you out. After a long day of work, there’s nothing that refreshes him like sitting down with you to talk and talk and talk.

5. You know that one chair in your bedroom? The one he likes to sit on when he puts on his shoes? Make sure it’s always piled with decorative bed pillows. Husbands love decorative bed pillows – the more the better. If you’re some kind of pillow-hating freak you can use laundry.

6. Cover every square inch of the bathroom sink-top with your toiletries. This lets him know how hard you work to be pretty for him, and leaves him feeling really loved.

7. This one is the magic bullet, so only use it if you’re really trying to turn him on. Find the oldest, stainedest, fugliest pair of sweat/pj/yoga pants in your collection. The crotch should go at least to the knees. Pair it with one of his holiest, pit-stainedest college t-shirts, and really thick socks. If it’s Winter and you’re really trying to make a point, throw on a hat and a sweatshirt. Wiggle eyebrows provocatively as you approach the Marital Bed.

Looking back over this, I can see how much of it has to do with the way Cisco likes things so sloppy, and I have to overcome my neater nature to please him. These are the tough things we do for love.

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