What Snert Said

Snert is five, and he says a lot of awesome things. I’ve recently begun a full self-makeover entitled “Stop Being An Idiot”, and writing them down is one of the many things I want to do better. Here are some recent favorites:

*Awesome photo is my sister’s. Isn’t she talented?

The other day Cisco asked me if all the stained wood furniture in the house bothered me, and whether I just needed to paint it all (yes). I told him no, I like natural wood, I’m just not a fan of cherry or orangey stains.

“Or ketchup stains, or mustard stains,” Snert said, shaking his head. “We just have stains all over this house.”

…

One morning recently he asked me every .125 minutes if he could watch PBS kids cartoons. I threatened seizure of his bow and arrow if he didn’t stop nagging, so he made a genuine effort to get himself under control, and we went about our day. A while later, feeling motherly, I got right in his face and stared in to his eyes.  He leaned in close and we stared, nose to nose, for a good fifteen seconds. I went all soup inside, I was so damn happy. Then he whispered tenderly, “All I can see is PBS in your eyes.”

…

At mass today Snert, noticing the priest preparing the gifts, whispered to his dad, “Is this the part where he’s making God?” Cisco quietly re-explained the consecration, and Snert seemed satisfied. Then he whispered, almost to himself, “Maybe that’s why mass is so special.”

…

For my birthday, Snert and Cisco adorned me with old flower leis they found in the basement. Then they gave me homemade cards and a ukulele (I’m so excited and so bad at it yay!). Every time I’ve picked up the ukulele since, Snert offers me a lei. Today he sat back to admire his handiwork and, overcome by the beauty of it all, burst out with “That just looks so FANCY! With the green shirt and the blue skirt, and the brown hair and the Big Head!”

I love him ’til it hurts.