You Are My Sunshine

How do people send their little children off to school? I mean how? I’ve held it together as the days ticked down towards kindergarten. I haven’t cried, and I’ve done minimal (for me) complaining and worrying. I’ve tried to make the most of the Summer. But in just a few days he’ll be gone every afternoon, and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I mean, I’ll figure out things to do – probably clean a lot, and hopefully write a lot more and maybe take naps sometimes when all the pondering has been pondered, but what on earth am I going to do?

Yeah fine, that sounds melodramatic, but Snert’s been my constant companion for five and a half years. He’s my best buddy, the one who forgives, the one who looks at me like I matter. He’s the joker, singer, pretender, costumer, eater, weapons-master, snacker, and laugher in my days. He matters. He freaking rocks, and I already miss him so badly.

I just really really like him is all. And I wasted a lot of our time together, and I’ve never regretted anything like I regret that.

My heart is going to plop into his dirty pocket next week.

He’s so dirty.

He’s going to love it.

And it is not about me.

And I am grateful he’s healthy and here.

It is only half-day kindergarten.

I’m still sad for me.


2 thoughts on “You Are My Sunshine

  1. I’m right there with you! I have one more week before Anya heads off to school, and our school district offers only all-day kindergarten. That first day, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a wreck. It’s definitely bittersweet . . . her world will expand so much this year, and I’m really glad about that, but it’s hard whenever our kids take a giant step away from us.

  2. ahhhh, sweet rose. this post broke my heart for you! im sorry this has been so hard, and yet, i love how you love him! i do. it is sweet, and calls me on. thank you for that.
    you wrote something that hit cord for me… “I wasted a lot of our time together, and I’ve never regretted anything like I regret that.”
    this is something that i have held on my heart for a very long time. and its gonna sound crazy but i dont know what to do about it. i have tried different things but nothing takes the regret away for me. i think it doesnt go away because there is a deeper issue for me and that is, i am not enough. that is my wound, always has been. and until i become “enough” i will not be able shake this deep dark regret.
    wow, i guess i have a lot to pray about.
    please come over to my house a lot when your companion is in school. i wont be able to replace those moments you could have with him, but i make a great cup of tea!!

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